Castle Keep


After managing to fight off a hoard of possibly demonic birthday candles, our quaint little ragtag group was left in the darkness of the mansion. Because nobody around here bothers to light some candles that aren’t sentient, apparently. The cleric had used her magic to make her sword glow, but that didn’t last long after the fight. Then the wax from the walking candles bunched up and formed a giant ball of light. …I don’t even know.

We decided to rest up for a bit to get our spells back, seeing as how I was essentially out of juice, and the other two couldn’t cast their way out of a paper sack at the best of times, anyways. Especially that monk. Divine magic may be divine, i.e., dumb, but at least the elf seems to have all the lights on upstairs.

During the break, the elf had found two doors in the hall. We looked behind both of them, starting with the stone one. In there was a room with a round table and chairs, with a door barely visible further in. Deciding we’d come back later, we went to the other door, this one wooden. On the other side, there was a room with a fireplace and a giant armchair. There was obviously some magic going on here, as if almost being turned into slightly charred red paste by a set of killer candelabras wasn’t hint enough.

Anywho, other than the giant chair, we couldn’t see much besides the fireplace, so that was what we checked out first. You know what? I take back what I said about the elf not belonging in an institution. The crazy knife-ear just goes ahead and crawls in the fireplace. I mean, it wasn’t lit or anything, but my first thought when I see a fireplace isn’t “Yup, that right there fireplace seems preeeety inviting. Don’t mind if I do.” I’ll be lucky if I can survive this group. Or avoid throttling them.

Well, what’s weird is the elf just goes right on through the back wall of the fireplace! I’d seen similar work studying under the old man, so my first thought was an illusion hiding a secret door or something. Maybe the elf spotted a clue? I don’t know. Before I can do anything, that crazy-ass monk just up and follows her. So I’m left standing in the haunted mansion with no meatshield in the dark and likely a cluster of goddamn haunted dishware just waiting to get at my soft meaty bits. Nope, no soft squishy mage for you, devil-plate.

I fortunately had a spell prepared that allowed me to communicate with others within a certain distance, so I ended up casting that to communicate with the idiots in the fireplace. I’ll admit, it wasn’t what I had in mind when I chose that spell, but hey. It gets stuff done. What’s weird is that when I asked questions, the monk and the elf responded, but there was a third voice as well. Aw frick, I think the monk is rubbing off on me or something. I learned that the monk and elf were alive, and apparently standing in a huge area, so that eliminated the illusion covering the secret passage theory. I ended up just following them through after a little hesitation, because hey, I may be an all-powerful conduit of arcane wrath, but no way am I going to stand around talking to a ghost drink coaster or whatever the Hell was talking back.

Well, it turns out that once I got through the fireplace-portal (here forth abbreviated as “fireportal,” because I am awesome at making up words. You’re welcome, Common), “huge” didn’t really do the room justice. We were in a vast area that stretched to the horizon. We stood atop a wide stone pillar, with several other pillars around us, and below us were orange clouds. In the distance there was a much larger pillar that dwarfed us and all of the others. The elf had some knowledge of the planes (I don’t know why either. They apparently teach advanced knowledge of the multiverse in Divine Casting Kindergarten or something) and identified where we were at the Plane of Fire.

Let me restate. We got to the plane of fire through a fireportal™ in a fireplace.

Gods, I hate this place already.

Anywho, we are about to try leaping over to the first pillar, making our way towards the large pillar in the distance. And I swear to Boccob, there was a patch of water on the pillar or something, because as soon as I landed I slipped and fell. As I fell, wouldn’t you know it goddamn imps jump out at the others. At least, I think they’re imps. Or fire elementals. Or something. You know what, it’s the Plane of Fire, they’re fire-midgets or something. You get the picture. Also, they had wings and could fly.

Note to self: take Featherfall ASAP.

Fortunately, for some magic reason or other, I kind of gently floated down. All I know is that I was plummeting towards the orange clouds below, and then suddenly without me casting anything I was plummeting slower. I drift down through the clouds and eventually land in… well, I think it’s best described as a “void”. I couldn’t see the ground, I couldn’t see the clouds, all I saw was blackness. I picked myself up and took a step, the blackness opened up beneath me, revealing a sigil of a sun, and a light appeared in the distance. Moving towards it, there was blinding light, then next thing I know I found myself back in the mansion outside the fireportal™ again. Oh, and I was also on top of a dogpile involving me, the monk, and the elf.

Even unintentionally, I come out on top. Oh yeah.



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